


once you walked this kind of life

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Band Break Up, Gen, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 23:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The band breaks up, but they're still soulbonded.  It's a forever kind of thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	once you walked this kind of life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lucifuge5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifuge5/gifts).



> Title from _Ambulance_ by My Chemical Romance.
> 
> Written for Luce's prompt at bandom_meme: _Now that the band is over, how does everyone deal with the fact that they share a soulbond?_
> 
> Beta by Ande, as ever.
> 
> Dedicated to Gerard Way. Happy birthday, and thank you.

It's not easy.

It's never been easy, but now, after the break up, it's a lot more tricky. But Gerard manages; he always does.

* * *

The first is Mikey, of course. Gerard remembers being lifted by his dad so he could peer through the glass window at the babies in the hospital nursery. _Michael James Way_ his dad says, but Gerard identifies the warm presence inside his head as _Mikey_ and grins as Mikey waves his arms weakly. Gerard waves back, happy.

It doesn't take long for Gerard to figure out that the link between him and Mikey is unique. Mikey calls it a psychic bond, but Gerard is uncomfortable with trying to label their connection. It ties them together, binds them close and the words sound ridiculous in the face of the feeling.

When the connection grows during the chaotic, early days of the band, pulling in the other band members, they call it the soulbond, cementing them into a family. It makes some things easier, knowing each other so well, and it makes some things impossibly hard. It blurs the lines between them, brings them closer together, and in the end, tears them apart.

* * *

Late at night, when the house is asleep, Gerard walks the hallway of his mind, a silent guardian. He's always been visually oriented, and he'd created this mental construct to help establish boundaries. Gerard is bad at boundaries. 

Frank talks about _hearing_ the bonds as a unique song. Ray somehow senses each of them as part of an elaborate clockwork that ticks in the back of his head. Gerard has this long white hallway, with closed doors at regular intervals. The doors are as individual as the people they represent, carved or painted or decorated, bright and beautiful, changing over time.

And behind the doors is what his mind imagines the soulbonds look like, serpentine twists of light and shadow, color and darkness, moving to the rhythm of an unheard heartbeat.

* * *

Mikey's door is covered by vines, green and leafy and growing. Sometimes, there are giant blossoms blooming on the vines, yellow as the sun. Gerard touches the doorknob and the door swings open. To Gerard's eyes, their bond is a dance of colored light, moving like the reflection of sunlight off water. Beautiful.

It's been a struggle for Mikey, the last few months, and they've all made sure to be there for him, supporting him as best they can as he tries to find his way back. Standing in the doorway, Gerard can feel echoes of the recent damage, and he's quietly pleased to see the beginnings of healing. Frank was here, not long ago, and Ray, both of them _touching_ Mikey's bond, adding their energy, soothing the ragged edges. 

Mikey's going to be okay. Gerard reaches out, skims his fingers through the swirls of color. "Love you," he murmurs, and he feels Mikey smile in return.

* * *

The next door is plain, unpainted, unfinished. It's weathered and worn and Gerard can still see the shadow where for years there'd been a padlock keeping the door shut, keeping Matt _out_. He rests his palm against the rough wood, sensing the remnants of old anger and bitterness, still sharp and biting. The door hasn't been opened for years, but Gerard knows what the bond looks like, shadowed and darkened by the negative emotions that still lurk in Matt.

It's Matt that made them realize the true consequences of the soulbond, the terrible price that they've paid, three times now. The soulbond is permanent, regardless of how they feel about each other. They'd let Matt go and it'd been best for the band, but there'd been no escaping Matt's subtle presence.

Gerard can only imagine how much worse it had been for Matt, who'd lost his friends, _and_ his band, and _still_ couldn't bar them from his heart. At least they'd had each other; Matt had no one but himself.

Some day, Gerard hopes that he can open the door to Matt again, and be welcomed back as a friend. For now, Gerard just moves on.

* * *

Frank is anxious; Gerard can taste it before he even gets to his graffiti-splattered door. He's got his fingers in so many pies, trying to keep busy, but the dark tangle of depression is lurking at the edges of Frank's life. Gerard is intimately familiar with that darkness, and he knows how hard it is to fight, how much energy it takes.

Ending the band was difficult for all of them, but Frank took it hardest, and even now, he struggles with moving on.

Frank's colorful door opens with a touch and though Frank is in another time zone, and fast asleep, he awakens instantly when Gerard brushes against their bond. Gerard sifts through the flood of information he receives: Frank's worry about the upcoming Death Spells and LeATHERMOUTH shows, the stress he's feeling about helping out his baby bands, frustration with some of the music he's writing for himself. The constant uncertainties of being a parent, of being a husband, and a son. Sadness and grief and self-doubt.

_scared_

Gerard closes his eyes and opens himself to Frank, sends love and reassurance along the the connection between them. "Everything's going to be fine," he says, and across the miles Frank rolls over in his bed, cuddling close to Jamia for warmth. 

_miss you_

He has his own doubts about the path they're on, but in his heart, it feels right and true. "Miss you, too, Frankie." _Family,_ he projects, warm and sure. Gerard might be floundering a little, but that's one thing he's dead certain about.

Frank relaxes back into sleep and Gerard leaves the door open a crack, just in case.

* * *

Bob's door is a something out of a horror movie, dark wood artfully pierced with swords and knives. The knob is spiked, razor sharp, and the door radiates a wounded animosity. There's a terrible beauty to it, but after Gerard had sliced his hand open, he'd heeded the warnings and left Bob alone.

* * *

The next is more sculpture than door, flames brought to life in the wood. Carved, painted, gold-leafed. Gerard always expects to choke on acrid smoke, blink back tears, taste ash and char. The door is wreathed with flames, but when you stand at a certain angle, tilt your head and squint, a Chinese dragon blooms, snakey, clawed and bearded. A beautifully executed trompe l'oeil, it makes Gerard smile every time he sees it.

Until recently, Brian's door has been barred, a thick plank of wood keeping it shut. Gerard hasn't been brave enough to try to open it, to see what is hidden behind the dragon. But soon, he will.

* * *

The last door is Ray's.

It's wood, a little old fashioned, painted bright blue. There's a sense of calm and tranquility, echoed by the simple tarnished metal knocker and knob. Gerard hesitates before pushing the door open.

Ray has always been the foundation of the band. No matter how far they drifted, how lost they got, Ray always brought them back to center.

Gerard needs that, now more than ever.

_love_

He relaxes into it, lets Ray's solid strength support him, surround him. He can see Ray's face, his sweet smile, and it reassures Gerard. Things will be okay. They'll get through this rough patch, and the next, and the one after that; this is what it's all about. "Brothers," he says softly, and feels Ray echo the sentiment.

_family_

Closing his eyes, Gerard feels the truth of that sink into his bones.

-fin-


End file.
